11 Years…
…that’s how long it’s been since a ring was placed on the finger of this dryad, binding her with metal, her fate sealed with symbols, capturing her in her form with a name…
…but not to be lost in the shapes that were to come, to grow, to branch-out, to evolve…
…ever-more…
The woodcutter needs his trees, the dryad needs her tree, bits are cut away, new seeds are planted, growth and decay must occur…
…both…
…together…
…ever-after…
…to be continued…
********
Today is the eleventh anniversary of the day my husband and I were married- same day, even!- surrounded by willow branches & ferns, by family and friends. Some have gone, some have been born, some have been lost, some have been found. New names have been given, new shapes have been slipped into… and old ones left behind. I still don’t know “who I may some day be.” We are still together- eleven years married, almost eighteen years since we first met. A bit worn, a bit tired, a bit bent, and a bit overwhelmed with Life’s Challenges. But together.
We’ve come this far…
…and there’s still far to go…
In Love and Life, my Deer-Hart…
…I’ll meet you in the Dark Woods…
…let’s count some rings…
********
My dearest love, my gull, my bard,
Today I am declaring to the world my true devotion to you. As a personal sign of this, I am taking your surname, McNay. I know that you have felt uneasy about this, about taking away a name that I have had my whole life, a name that others know me by; in a way, my identity thus far.
In some cultures, a person takes many names in his or her life, as a sign that they have left a part of their life behind them, and are moving on to the next part of their life.
In Terri Windling’s The Wood Wife, Maggie Black and Crow, a Trickster spirit from the Rincons of Arizona, have the following discourse:
“Then tell me who you are,” Crow said, “and why you have come to this land of mine.”
“That’s two questions,” Maggie pointed out.
He ignored this. “Quick now. Who are you?”
Maggie shrugged. “I’m many different people,” she said. “So I guess I’m a bit of a shape-shifter too. In West Virginia, I’m Emil Black’s granddaughter. In L.A., I’m Nigel Vanderlin’s ex-wife; in London, I’m Tatiana Ludvik’s crazy friend. I’m a vagabond writer to my friends in Holland; a sweet summer affair to a sculptor in Florence; a hopeless klutz to every gym teacher I’ve ever had-do you want me to go on?”
“Those are just the shapes. What’s underneath? The essence, that doesn’t change from shape to shape. That’s what a shape-shifter has to know or you lose yourself. You can’t get back. You’re trapped in one shape, and you can’t get out.”
She frowned, thinking about this.
“What are you at the core, Black Maggie?” He smiled viciously. “I don’t believe you know.”
To many of the people in this room, and to others who could not be here today, I too am many different people, with many different names: I was Chicken to my grandfather, Leo; Kerrie-Anna-Banana and Kerrie-the-Strawberry to my aunts Joan and Jane, respectively; Marie to the Roman Catholic Church; Diana to my Anne-girl, Sheila; Angel, Doc, and KC to my family from Wheelock; Perrina to the virtual world; Fairy-girl to the musical spirits of Arizona; and kerriefairy and Princess Kerrie to you, my Deer Hart, my Little Prince. I am all of these people, and none of them. I am myself, though, not a name or a title.
When I went to Arizona last year, I did not yet know the steps to the dance I was to perform. I found my dance on the paths of Thumb Butte, alone with Nature and Time to guide my arms and feet. When I met you, I did not yet know who I was, or what role I was to perform in your life. Since then, I have found my words, I have found my self, I have found my role. I was a bit afraid of becoming “wife” and how that word, the simple change of my name, would affect my life. I am still curious, though no longer afraid.
I may know who I am, but not who I may some day be. But I know that with you by my side, we may discover these, and many other things, together. May that journey last forever and a day, longer if possible.
May 31, 2003 – May 31, 2014
Heroine's Journey Home 